Cupcakes And Popcorn

Posted on October 19, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

Wednesday I posted about celebrating by buying a cupcake. Welcome to frugality, having a great appreciation for the simple things. That wasn’t the last celebration. GERN inspired one cupcake. RSOL inspired the next one the next day. Friday’s slight pullback actually felt like a healthy response, so I bought a macaroon. Tonight I might celebrate again, just for practice. How about a movie with buttered popcorn sprinkled with parmesan? As life becomes more complicated, simplify the celebrations.

It’s 8pm on a Saturday night. Oh yeah, I’m a party animal. Actually, I do enjoy parties, and it’s about time for another one, but Saturday at 8pm is when I’ve finally declared work and dinner done. A year ago I didn’t know where I’d find the money for my bills and mortgage. Now, I have the money and am hunting for the time. I suspect that comes next. During this entry into my personal recovery there will be several weeks of respecting old commitments while working hard on the new ones. This pendulum is swinging around two axes: money and time. It got off center a couple of years ago, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that it will take several months to regain a balance.

Recoveries are plans, and life rarely goes according to plan. And yet we plan, because we must. This recovery is happening within the bounds of my Backup Plans, but it is happening in ways I didn’t expect. No complaints. Recoveries may occur from the concerted efforts and chaotic luck of those involved. I hope that’s what’s happening in the bigger picture too because the plans within government and institutions fail to convince me that they will succeed. I see more optimism in the energetic efforts exemplified in Yes! Magazine, the movie Money and Life, the Story of Solutions, and the disorganized millions of non-profit organizations that are powered by volunteers and donors.

Neither GERN nor RSOL popped because of a string of press releases. Yes, there was some news at deeper levels, e.g. intellectual property sales, etc., but as with many small companies any progress is more likely tied to a long string of determined efforts that finally can be acknowledged and celebrated for the simplest rationalization. RSOL popped 40%, and still is trading at far too low a multiple of Price/Sales. I think its valuation should be higher, and maybe this is the beginning of such a recovery; but if not, I think it will get there eventually. I wonder if stocks are statistically as likely to be undervalued as overvalued. If so, there’s a lot of overvaluing coming the way of my portfolio.

I’m heartened by the rise of the Tiny House movement, wireless internet without using wi-fi, and the wonders of graphene. I’m heartened by much more, particularly all the folks that are diving in to write amendments to the Constitution to rein in the dysfunction, but it is late on a Saturday night and listing them all would mean finishing this blog much later on a Saturday night.

The people that are actively trying to make things better, even if it is simply by setting good examples, are an impressive force that may be overlooked for now, but may be the source of our larger recovery. I thank you for doing what you do. But sorry folks, I think tonight’s celebration is only going to be a double helping of popcorn – about enough for me.

 

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Cupcake Celebration

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

I bought a cupcake. It’s been months or years since I’ve had a cupcake. Finally, a gluten-free one from the coffeeshop/bookstore across the street. Office view It was time for a celebration. Anytime is a time for celebration, but it is easy to fall out of the habit – especially in turbulent times. The US government may decide to get back to work. The debt ceiling will probably be raised. Several of my clients have gained impressive traction lately, and have kept me gainfully employed. The mortgage – foreclosure pendulum has swung back to my favor. (Pardon me if I look for some glue to make that stick.) But I am celebrating an unexpected bit of good news. One of my stocks had a marvelous day today. Once upon a time I celebrated such events. Some make finances impersonal and dispassionate. I think a good way to remain engaged in personal finances is to make them personal. Today’s news deserved a mini-reprise of those old celebrations.

The main reason I’ve been struggling financially has been the simultaneous downturn in every stock in what had been a diversified portfolio. As I stated in my semi-annual portfolio review; “My portfolio possibilities can far exceed any financial influences of mortgage modifications.” But the reality has been that the portfolio that had sustained my lifestyle for years was hit by a Triple Whammy and wasn’t enough to pay the bills. Possibilities are wonderful, but reality requires paying bills. That’s why I’ve been so busy working and why I put my house on the market. Home For Sale A house that is a home is a wonderful thing, but fiscal responsibility possibly requires getting rid of such a large asset and liability.

The gap between yesterday’s reality and tomorrow’s possibility shrunk a bit today.

Of all the stocks in my portfolio, Geron (GERN), is so far from profitability and such a speculative stock, that I decided to sell half to get me over a recent cash flow gap. The good news: the cash came in very handy. The other good news: the stock climbed 100%, so even though I’ve lost half my shares, my holding is back to where it was. The other good news: the stock climbed so much in one day, today, that it is triple what I sold it for, and increased my net worth by about half a month’s living expenses. Okay, so there was a rationalization back in there. The stock movement was good news, but I do have seller’s remorse from having sold those shares. If I’d sold something else, today’s gain would have been an entire month’s living expenses, including the mortgage.

“Money carries no emotion.” “Investing is driven by math and logic.” And yet, almost everyone has witnessed hurt from money problems, even if it’s just a missed bill. And I suspect few expect the markets to act rationally anymore. If all feeling could be taken out of finance and investing then computers could run that aspect of our lives. Considering that money is abstract and life is real, maybe that’s an idea worth trying. In the meantime, if emotion is involved, don’t deny it. Use it.

In the first incarnation of this blog, which seems like decades ago, but is only a few years ago, I posted about a gift I’d give myself. If my portfolio was energetic enough to produce a $10,000 gain I’d give myself a $100 gift. I didn’t spend much back then either (a habit of frugality that has been precious in the interim) so for about what some folks spend on dinner I’d treat myself to something more exotic for my pantry, probably buy a brand new book, and have some left over to give to a charity.

A $10,000 day is possible. Hey, MVIS could pop any day, right? Right? But waiting for those days again is an exercise in yet more delayed gratification. I’m in my fifties. I’ve been delaying a lot. Imagine all of those who have been delaying longer. We have a lot of pent-up expectations.

So, rather than delay, and rather than be wasteful, I celebrated by buying a cupcake. Sounds kind of silly after all of that finance talk, but that’s a bit of the point.

The current dysfunctional aspects of today’s finances and politics can be demoralizing. Is anyone measuring whether cynicism is rising? Every day seems to bring more reason for what I call the Walk Away Movement, where people are becoming disengaged with institutions, and even currencies. It gets more appealing to me whenever I consider my choices. Which is more effective: trying to change the system, or helping my community become more sustainable? It is so easy to face our troubles head on and become overwhelmed in either case.

Finance, politics, and many issues of the day are passions, and vital even if they are arbitrary. But at their essence, we deal with finance so we can maintain and sustain our personal lives, the US government was formed by We The People. Focussing only on the problems is great for the problems, but the problems are big enough to absorb anyone’s complete reservoir of passion.

Save some passion for celebrations, even the small ones: balancing a confused checkbook, filing taxes on time, or finally deciding on a mutual fund. Save some passion for your slice of the bigger events: work parties, harvests, elections.

Thanks to Geron’s news about a –  first-in-class telomerase inhibitor currently in development for the treatment of hematologic malignancies – I celebrated optimism in many kinds of possibilities, and bought a cupcake.

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Ideally Compromised Optimums

Posted on October 12, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

Think you can have it all? We know that isn’t possible. Even Bill Gates plus Warren Buffett can’t buy the world. Think you can do it all? That would be ideal. Imagine an empty to-do list, or a house that was finally finished. Reality is less than ideal, but reality is the only thing we can deal with. Work with what’s real. Aim for what’s ideal. The negotiation between those two is compromise with attempts to optimize. The middle ground is where we do more than survive. We live because we compromise.

Witness America’s capital. Ideologies carried to their extremes without compromise shut down America. Ideologies carried to extremes mean people have lost jobs, businesses can be stopped or dramatically slowed, criminals find opportunities, and the security and assurance of the US Federal Government’s currency is put in doubt. Currencies like the US dollar rely on confidence. Weakened confidence weakens the dollar which weakens the country. Sounds silly, which is why Comedy Central late night talk shows have a wealth of material.

Such extremes sound silly, yet individuals can make similar choices. How many things are on your “Must Have” list? Some people break into tears if they can’t have the right color cell phone. Some get angry if their meal isn’t cooked exactly right. They expect perfection, and consider it reasonable to ask for because they know it is possible. If you’ve always been able to buy what you want, maybe even with credit, then not getting that next best thing can feel traumatic. Maturity cures that, and maturity is a neverending process.

Most folks know that they can’t have everything. Life is a series of trades. Pick a house (pick mine, buy mine!).Home For Sale Real estate is about location, location, location; but, reality is also about what’s available. I may want a house customized for me, on Whidbey Island with a lot ideal for self-sufficiency, a view of the shipping lanes and the Olympic mountains, within an easy walk of downtown Langley, that is quiet and affordable. My house, which is the only house I’ve ever owned and considered home and not just a house, has the view and is quiet,8199 Cultus Drive, Clinton WA but it is a 40 minute bicycle ride from Langley. Langley doesn’t have the view. Lots suited for self-sufficiency tend to be in the middle of the island away from the views and shopping. If Langley was on the west side of the island and situated for self-sufficiency any house would be so desirable that I probably couldn’t afford it.

Good news folks. I think I can afford my house, as long as I compromise.

I think I can afford my house because I have a much clearer idea of my “Must Have” list. Anyone who has gone through prolonged scarcity has been forced to choose. Those choices define a Must Have list. The consequences refine the choices.

My ideal is to keep my home, but I’ve also come to recognize that housing is a Must Have, but that my house is not. I’m definitely working hard at keeping it. The main determinant is money and thanks to my clients and customers I think I can make and sustain the mortgage payments, if my mortgage can be renegotiated. The reality is that I think I’ll have enough money as of my receipts for October’s work. The other reality is that I may lose the house anyway.

Details are available in previous posts (Timing Good News Maybe, Mortgage Mediation Weirdness), but the concise story is that two poorly scheduled meetings mean two opportunities to renegotiate my mortgage may have been lost. Even the subsequent phone calls went amiss to the point that I don’t know what’s happening. One distinct possibility is that the foreclosure proceedings have been initiated. I don’t know.

Ideally I want to keep my home, as a nice way to meet that Must Have of having housing. I’ve found myself in an optimization process of balancing my regular workload; incorporating the additional workload; conducting the basics of home, life, and relationship maintenance; and maintaining my physical, mental, and emotional health. Oh yeah, and keeping up with the mortgage negotiations. Realistically, it may be that my efforts have not been enough and that I lose this house.

I may not be a good enough writer to make this apparent but, the purpose of this blog is to provide one example of how an individual has to make choices around personal finance. Balancing money and life involves real choices that may be influenced by ideals, and that do involve optimizations, but that ultimately are a series of guesses and compromises. Outside observers may wonder at the choices that are made, and that will always be the case. Even posting as much as me, it can be difficult to keep up with events, motivations, and consequences. No wonder people who are quieter can seem much more enigmatic. At least with this blog, an example is available.

If I lose my house I think I’ll feel sorrier for my support network. I’ve never had so many people cheering me on. Even years into this effort I continue to hear new alternatives. Those that have offered to buy my house as a short sale may get their chance. (Though I still don’t understand how that helps me. It helps the mortgage company, but I’m not sure about my benefit.)

As an engineer I dealt with optimization frequently. An airplane must be balanced. Aerodynamics, structures, economics, operations, and passengers and crew all deal with less than ideal solutions. Airplanes don’t get off the ground without compromise. Rocket launches are optimums of compromises that still must meet safety and performance requirements. Steer around those population centers, don’t break anything in the rocket or satellite, and end up in the right orbit without running into another satellite.

Expecting ideal optimizations is a cause for anxiety and stress. Surprisingly, one source of stress amongst people who have more than enough money is that they worry that they aren’t spending it as efficiently as possible, that what they bought isn’t the absolute best, and that they aren’t investing it for optimum return. People who expected to achieve an ideal optimum fell reduced self-esteem when they inevitably learn that something better was possible. The lower stress lives when “good enough” is seen as more valuable than “optimum” or “best”.

Something better is always possible. Agonizing over it can be stressful.

Something that can’t be negotiated is time. Optimize at will, but realize that everyone has the same wealth and limit of 24 hours per day. We can only do what we can do, and we shouldn’t treat ourselves poorly if our efforts don’t produce everything we ideally want.

Some of my readers will be dealing with a bit of compromise. I hoped to write about two Constitutional amendments that I am helping to draft. I hoped to write about tomorrow’s Community Ride. I hoped to write about the practicality and failings of multiple choice, which also involves some optimization issues. But I must compromise by bringing this post to a close. Almost 12 of those 24 hours have passed today and I have obligations to meet prior to helping a dear friend and enjoying some socializing. It is a Saturday, eh? Maybe by Monday we’ll hear about a compromise between the US political parties. That would be ideal. (Of course, if they kept shutdown and missed the debt ceiling would that delay foreclosure while I made more money? Maybe good for me, but that would compromise too many peoples’ lives.)

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Mortgage Mediation Weirdness

Posted on October 10, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

Just a quick post to keep folks up to date with the oddities that are the episodes of trying to remove the threat of foreclosure. (See Timing Good News Maybe for the prequel to this episode.)

Well, that was certainly a bit of bad weirdness. The mortgage mediator called to ask why I wasn’t at the meeting. Evidently, without telling me, they scheduled a meeting to discuss how, whether, and when I could pay my mortgage. The mediator was there. The mortgage representative was there. The attorney (?) was there. My counselor was there. I paid for the meeting, and yet they didn’t call to check my schedule. They didn’t send me an email, regular mail, or phone call. Now they are threatening to submit a notice of “not acting in good faith” because I didn’t show up for the meeting that I didn’t know about but did pay for. Is this something for the Attorney General?

At this point, I’m actually eager for a conversation in a business tone, but the dialog I receive continues to be defined by dismissive terms. I’m hoping for a re-scheduling, and I hope to be included in it. I’ve talked to many people who’ve been through this process and none of them suggest it will go smoothly, even though at its basics, this is just a matter of money.

Stay tuned.

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Less Mailbox Wincing

Posted on October 9, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

I barely winced. Earlier this week I got out the checkbook, rummaged around for the bills, and paid them without wincing. Until recently, anxiety attacks lived on the periphery of visiting the mailbox, opening the letters, and checking my bank balances. Some think people with little money casually disrespect their obligations. The opposite can definitely be the case. Negative reinforcement piled on negative reinforcement is emotionally painful to people who pride themselves on fiscal responsibility. I was glad to clear that hurdle.

Did I mention the other hurdles that are off to the side? I’ll get to those in a while.

This ride I’ve had through several of America’s economic classes can methodically be demarcated by financial statements, balance sheets, income and expense reports, and plenty of graphs. Maybe I’ll do that some day. The more important distinctions have been emotional.

  • True wealth = pre-pay bills. Take something like a utility bill, pick a big round number and pay months worth. Opening the bills for subsequent months was merely checking to make sure the remaining credit is more than the current bill. Very free-ing. Bills were quickly handled and ignored.
  • Somewhat more than enough = pay the bills as they come in, for the exact amount. Reasonably unemotional, actually an innocuous chore, readily handled. The credit card companies might not like the fact I paid off the balance every month, but hey, that’s what everyone agreed to. Congratulate myself on a small chore well-handled.
  • Barely enough = pay the bills on time, but maybe time the payment to maximize my return, or to leave the door open for optimism. Some do this no matter how much they have, but when it became a necessity it it became a risky game playing on the borders of grace periods. Opening the bills was almost always a non-event, but surprises did happen. A bit of adrenaline kicks in as cash flow is checked, maybe savings were tapped; but my mood returned to normal soon enough. Ah, but the lingering doubt of less frequent expenses like insurance remained.
  • Enough for some but not for all = Certain bills are easy. If the bill is semi-monthly and totals less than a lunch, it gets opened and paid quickly. That became a mini-celebration. Unfortunately, there are also bills that can’t be paid, that might lead to foreclosure or even bankruptcy. There’s no way to know which bills are in the box. My anxiety would kick in as I decided to go out and get the mail. Opening that little door was like postal Russian roulette. An empty box was a great relief. An unfamiliar letter would be enough for me to call a neighbor or a friend to stand with me as I opened the envelope.
  • Barely enough for the basics of survival = I never got there, but I could see it from where I stood. And I know others have lived there for years. I don’t know if deep down they become inured or cynical or fatalistic, though I know their surface emotions are usually either an appreciation for what is, or a rebellion against that which keeps them from what is not. I know I don’t want to experience the depths of that potential pain.

I paid my bills without wincing, but I’m very aware that I shoved some of the hurdles to the side. I’ve paid all my bills, except for the mortgage and my homeowners association dues. Propane is probably coming up soon. There’s an entire field of hurdles that are deferred maintenance on the house, my truck, me, and my stuff. As regular readers know, as of October 1st I have enough business that I’ll be able to pay a new mortgage in November – I think. (I still don’t know if there’ll be a mortgage modification, nor how much its monthly payments will be.) As of November, any extra money will go to things that should’ve received it months or years ago. At this rate it will take years to clear the hurdles.

The fall can happen fast, but the recovery takes longer. Maintenance is cheaper than repair which is cheaper than replacement; so, deferred maintenance becomes higher expenses. Making enough, or even more than enough, is a reason for celebration; but the celebrator is probably aware that getting back to where they wanted to be can be so delayed that they might as well have a small party now, and then too.

The wincing is not completely behind me, but opening the mailbox is easier. A friend even mentioned that my shoulders have relaxed. How much muscular stress and stress-related chemistry has my body had to deal with? Adjustments must be made, and for some I’m sure that involves a welcome return to chiropractic treatments long delayed. After a recent massage (thanks for those who’ve been negotiable) my head and sternum were sore because the muscles around them had been tight for so long. Relaxing the muscles was such a significant event that my bones ached. And I was glad.

Money comes and goes and hopefully comes back. Emotions linger. Just like repair work costs more than maintenance, the emotional cost of recovering from loss takes longer than the normal swings between highs and lows. I’m feeling better, and know my emotions are tempered by my experience. Others who are going through, or have been through, worse will have to devote more time to returning to “normal”. Some may be trapped there forever. If we really want the nation to recover, its apparent to me that supporting people financially and emotionally will speed the process. How much American productivity is lost to anxious reactions from our abstraction of money?

The nation, no, the government, specifically the federal government is shut down. Hundreds of thousands are going to have a different relationship with their mailbox. I hope that doesn’t last long, and I hope we recover quickly.

 

(Note to fellow bloggers: See how busy I’ve become? Less than 1,000 words in the main post. No links. No photos. No time. Gotta go.)

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Ceiling Shutdown

Posted on October 5, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

I can envision, “Shut down the dance floor. This party’s over.” “Shut down the trading floor. The trading day is done.”. The only metaphor that comes to mind for shutting down a ceiling are the climatic scenes where the heroes are about to be crushed in some trap. “Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level!” Our nation’s metaphor is mixed. The shutdown may mean we run into a ceiling: the debt ceiling. The results can get messy. In this bit of reality, we have to shutdown the shutdown if we don’t want to be squeezed. The shutdown affects millions. Crashing into the debt ceiling will affect almost everyone. Some are screaming into their communicators. Others are trying to brace the walls. Many are finding their own way out.

There’s an amazing amount of talent out there on the Internet. I knew if I waited long enough that someone would create a great entertaining video that does a very good, non-partisan job describing the shutdown. Thank you vlogbrothers. In fine fashion they point out that the root of the shutdown is the bizarre redistricting that ensures incumbents maintain their positions, and that emphasizes extremism. Politicians don’t represent districts. They represent factions, and will redraw the district lines and define party lines that make sure they and the factions are protected.

From my largely apolitical perspective (i.e. not D or R). the shutdown looks like the sort of dysfunctional institution that should be dramatically re-organized. (Bring in the organizational consultants!) The main motivation is no longer managing the country, but rather defending ideologies while preserving careers and power. We have become accustomed to such actions to the point that one defense I’ve heard repeated is that, “It’s always been this way to various extents.” Just because we have bad habits doesn’t mean we get to keep them, or that we get to inflict them upon others.

Remember personal finance? (Mine’s improving, and I thank you for your support.) One of the keys to improving personal finance is to understand the basics: spend less than you make, and invest the rest. It is also a sound business practice. It seems that it should make for sound governance, especially in a government that encourages a (relatively) free market. Yet, while many people and businesses follow those two rules, our government of the people by the people and for the people rarely runs a surplus and is rather lopsided in the way it invests. We spend more on shortening lives than we do on lengthening lives.

The shutdown comes perilously close to the debt ceiling. We’re received many lessons in raising the debt ceiling because we continue to bump up against our national credit limit. We already ran out of money, and now we are borrowing to pay the bills. In a couple of weeks we’ll run into our credit limit. Luckily, we can reset the credit limit, but only if the government is functioning well enough. The shutdown is evidence that well enough isn’t happening.

Government press releases are typically uninspired, accurate, require post-analysis, and ignored except by analysts and interpreters. The US Treasury released a bit of press earlier this week that broke that mold. They very clearly stated that,
“In the event of a default, the U.S. economy could be plunged into a recession worse than any seen since the Great Depression.”
Gulp. But we already knew that, right?

Maybe a public outcry will shift the Congress into action, but representatives are motivated by the votes from their districts. Of course, they aren’t motivated by well-funded interests from outside their districts because that might lead to corruption and we’d never have that. No. No. No. Without a change in motivation or incentives, behaviours don’t change. I suspect there’ll eventually be a resolution that minimizes the political impact and that leaves most of those involved in their positions – oh yeah, and restores the basic supports that millions rely on.

My concern is more on the personal level. So is the BBC’s. They even have a spot on their news page where they are asking to hear from Americans about the effects of the shutdown. I had fun filling that out that form. What are the personal consequences? For me, the shutdown has done little. The debt ceiling is much more likely to have a personal finance effect. (I also pointed out that people living in an earthquake/tsunami zone surrounded by volcanoes are better prepared to cope with disasters, from whatever source.)

The Treasury release mentioned,
“credit markets could freeze, the value of the dollar could plummet, and U.S. interest rates could skyrocket, ”
On a personal level:

  • credit markets could freeze – If it was hard getting credit a few years ago, it could be harder now.
  • the value of the dollar could plummet – Imports, including fuel, become more expensive. Exports sell better. It is a mixed blessing but one that usually balances against those relying most on the basics of life; because ironically, it is cheaper to live in America if you don’t buy American.
  • U.S. interest rates could skyrocket – Want a shock? Go back and look at a newspaper from 1980. Mortgage rates of 13% capped at 16%. Great if you are loaning money. Lousy if you are borrowing it. Also a time when those with money can make more money, and those without are left out. Our inequities become less equitable.

Such times are good times to be frugal, and to not tie your emotions to your money. I can certainly attest to the emotional trauma of massive monetary swings, but throughout it I know that I am not my money. I lamented not being able to pay my bills. I’m now on the cusp of celebrating paying everything, including the mortgage again (as soon as we reach an agreement). Those pains and joys were real, but I keep in mind that my self-worth has been more stable than my net worth. Personal responsibility is key to personal finance, but the financial world is not in our direct control. If it seems like things are rough and a bit irrational, it might be because things are a bit rough and irrational. The best sailor can’t expect smooth sailing when caught in a storm.

I’m continuing to work seven days a week (ala Rule of 7). Thankfully, my two biggest clients account for 39 hours of work each week. The other aspects of my business are gaining traction at the same time. Some of that work will be kept. Some not. As in any transition there is chaos and a bit of stress, which is where I am as I redefine my work life while trying to maintain the rest of my life. Amidst the national turmoil, I am working as hard as possible to reduce my debt, live within my means, and appreciate what life has provided. That’s what I can do. It doesn’t restart the government. It doesn’t move the government’s debt ceiling. But maybe enough of us living responsibly can succeed by providing examples that our representational government can follow. We’ll succeed because we didn’t shut down, and we made sure we stayed as far away from our ceilings as possible. And if they don’t listen, well, at least we appreciate our self-worth.

Remembering that there's work, and chores - and the rest of life, like dancing, or joining PhotoWalks.

Remembering that there’s work, and chores – and the rest of life, like dancing, or joining PhotoWalks.

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Timing Good News Maybe

Posted on October 2, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

A blog in two parts: Tuesday Evening and Wednesday Evening

Tuesday Evening

They said yes! Evidently they liked what I’ve done enough. I asked my two biggest clients (NRM & HCLE) if they’d double  my hours. Yes. And in one case, they even suggested I increase my hours even more, and gave me a raise. With those two increases I’ll make enough to pay the mortgage – that is, if the mortgage servicer agrees to work with me just a little longer. There’s a bit of a timing issue. Money isn’t everything, but you already know that.

Normally I post Wednesday and Saturday mornings. The idea was to post halfway through the stock market’s week, and then again at the close. The stock market seemed to be the only aspect of my book (Dream. Invest. Live.) that had a regular schedule, so the market decided my timing. As I type, it is Tuesday night. Wednesday morning’s schedule has only one item: the mediation meeting about the mortgage. Blog before? Blog after? I decided to do both. Habits have to change; and this story is told, and lived, over two days.

The meeting is a mystery to me. I’ve never been through mediation. I don’t know what to expect from the mortgage servicer or even who else will be there. Very little of the process has followed the kind of logic I’m familiar with from business, finance, or almost any normal interaction. Maybe logic will suddenly arise, just as it did when I met with the Fannie Mae representative at the end of May. Back then, the Fannie Mae representative listened to my story and surprisingly agreed with me that the main thing I needed was more time. It looks like I need a little bit more.

HCLE (History of Computing in Learning and Education) and NRM (New Road Map) were both agreeable to my increase in hours. There’s more than enough work to be done, and with a squeeze the money is available; especially, if I spend the extra hours looking for funding. (Anyone want to help fund a Virtual Museum about how teachers pioneered the entrance of computers into the classroom? How about supporting the effort to spread a more rational perspective on personal finance based on values-based financial literacy?) Put the two efforts together and 39 hours of my work week are accounted for. Very good. Put those two incomes together and I can probably pay all of my bills, even back bills and ideally a reduced mortgage.

Ah, but the mortgage servicer expected a payment at the end of September, well, every month since I bought the house. They made a modification offer that I couldn’t accept because I didn’t have the income. Tomorrow is October 2nd. Maybe I can accept an offer, but I can’t write a check for more than a month. My increased workload started today, yeah, but I don’t get paid until November. So, will they be willing to slide the timing two more months? I don’t know.

What I do know is that my life is changing. As I’ve said before, getting a job that asks for more hours makes work easier. When the workday is comprised of twelve disparate projects my mental gear changes wear out my mental transmission. Each project becomes a sprint with a great percentage of the time spent engaging and disengaging, making sure the right accounts are open, that the facebook account for one is not feeding the twitter account of the previous. Each project has its own pace and schedule, which means shifting perspectives and speeds a few times per hour.

With more time devoted to two large projects my mind can settle into a rhythm, can establish more of an endurance pace than an unsustainable sprint. With more time devoted to those projects, my other projects will have to find other times. So will this blog. Evenings and weekends, that I’ve been working anyway, will now be when my art business operates and when I’ll teach my classes – and when the blog gets written and published. I’ll even find more spare time because much of my days has been spent investigating other possibilities, applying for jobs, and putting energy into anything that makes any money whether or not it is core to my consulting and management business.

What I don’t know is where I’ll be doing the work. If they remove the threat of foreclosure, I can work from my house again, saving me commuting time (some of which I’ve enjoyed by bicycling), and greatly relaxing me as my house regains a sense of security. If the foreclosure proceeds, I guess I’ll be bicycling into work regularly in the winter, and then wondering where I’ll live next.

Timing. Months ago, losing my house would have meant being homeless (not that my friends would let that happen). Now, even if I lose my home, I’ll be able to afford housing – as of some time in November. That is a great relief.

Despite the good news, anxiety remains. A week ago I doubted that I could keep my house. Now it is possible. Will I or won’t I? Will they let me, or won’t they? A lot is at risk in one meeting; though, because of the timing, it is actually less than before. I wish I knew. Given time, I will.

Wednesday Evening

Well, that didn’t go according to plan. I arrived at the building just in time; despite bouncing my truck against the ferry ramp, getting lost in a city where I lived 30 years ago, finding a building that pointed to another building that pointed back to a different door at the first building, but I made it. Not the sort of morning to calm the nerves. Not the emotional state to walk into a mediation negotiation meeting. But at least I wasn’t the last one there. My counselor showed up right behind me. We hit the doorbell, waited for our entrance – and then found that the mediator and everyone else was scheduled for 2pm, not 9am. I’ve got work to do. I’ve got work to do to make the money that will mean I can walk into such a meeting and confidently and reliably state that I can may a modified mortgage, if it is like the previous offers. Some rescheduling was necessary.

Weird thing #1
It was suggested that by my not being on time for the 2PM meeting I might be considered to be not acting in good faith, even though I showed up on time as I was told to. Would the other parties be considered to not be acting in good faith because they didn’t attend when I was told to be there?

Weird thing #2
Rescheduling might take months. That would actually work to my benefit, as the foreclosure proceedings can’t proceed while mediation is in progress. But it is understandable that they wouldn’t want to delay much more.

Weird thing #3
Holding the meeting at the original time could work if I could just call in. That was deemed unacceptable, even though other parties call in when they can’t attend in person. So, different criteria apply to them than to me. So much for equal footing.

Weird thing #4
Even if the meeting takes place, I still haven’t received a letter telling me how much a new payment would be. I can’t responsibly write out a check and leave off the amount.

It’s been a weird day. It’s been a bizarre process. The process continues.

The good news from Tuesday night remains. Every day the good news improves because every day I am making more than enough to live, and if this delays long enough, I’ll finally have the bank account to show for it.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to adjust, change those habits built for a different circumstance, and look forward to good timing and good times.

And you’ll get to see these posts coming on Tuesday or Wednesday evenings. Some adaptation is required, and it is all for good reasons.

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Recovery Chorus

Posted on September 28, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

My world is changing, yet much remains the same. Good news arrived, unconstrained, without need for qualification. More good news is expected, equally unburdened. My prelude to optimism is being followed by an opening chorus of a significant jump in work, and therefore income. I might even be able to pay the homeowner’s dues in a month or two. Another bit of good news waits in the wings, ready for its cue to step out, sing out, and actually pay my mortgage – assuming the mortgage servicer likes what it hears. I sit in my house on a rainy Saturday morning, knowing that I just have to take one day at a time, yet wondering how much my life is about to change. Losses are usually quicker than gains, but both take adjustments. This adjustment is so long in the waiting that it is accompanied by a tone of disbelief. Time for me to believe.

Calling today a rainy Saturday morning is like describing the current economic climate as unsettled. The mountains surrounding Seattle are expected to receive 10 inches of rain. The winds across the waters are expected to gust to 55mph. There’s a tiny rain shadow that will protect the normally desert-like retirement town of Sequim, where even they’ll probably get a half inch of rain. One in seven Americans are living in poverty. Student loan debt swells because education costs rise while college degrees don’t guarantee jobs – leaving a generation working very hard to get very little and losing ground every day. But there are enclaves that are mildly impacted yet evidently feel besieged.

Today’s weather will pass. Maybe these progressively stronger storms are only in our perception, or maybe they are the beginning of larger and more systemic changes. (Step away from the blog to check the long term forecast. Good.) The storm and the ones that follow only last until a few more days. After that the forecast is only for rain. Hey, this is the world around Seattle, the Puget Sound, the Salish Sea, the Great Pacific NorthWet. Raindrops It is almost October, rain is normal. So is a bit of sun. Some day next week the sun will come out enough for homeowners to jump into a weather gap large enough for us to tax our lawnmowers. Storms come in and leave in little time. Cleanups take much longer.

My financial storm has lasted years. Yesterday there was a major break in the clouds because one of my major clients, the History of Computing in Learning and Education Virtual Museum, agreed to double my hours. There’s more than enough work to do. Step one is basically finding enough money to get that work done. (If you were in a classroom as a teacher or as a student anytime between 1960 and 1990, this Virtual Museum means to chronicle those experiences. We learned a new way to learn. Care to contribute your time, story, or maybe even help fund the work?) My storm is the oft-referenced Triple Whammy. My recovery has slowly been gaining speed and just shifted into a quicker tempo. At this rate though, I’ll still be singing this song for years.

The good news is that there is more potential good news, but I don’t want to play that tune until enough of the key people chime in.

The other good news is that there is actual good news. My portfolio did nicely last week, thanks to GERN (which I sadly sold half of recently) and RSOL (which moved without news and I won’t complain.) That increase in liquid net worth is about as much as my increase in income; and with extrapolating and compounding could quickly become the stronger driver. Ah, but we investors and mathematicians know that extrapolation is risky in planning; yet, as I’ve said in my semi-annual review, just getting back to a rational market valuation for my portfolio, “I’d have enough to catch up on the mortgage and even pay off the credit card debt.” Getting to a rational market valuation by the end of the year would average out to much more than a thousand dollar a week increase.

Many who have listened to my tale have celebrated the good news, and I agree. I might even have a fine beverage this evening that isn’t from a box. (Actually box wine is fine, but there is a ritual to the sound of a cork being pulled from a bottle.) There will be a celebration if I manage to remove the threat of foreclosure. (A dance party may break out.)

Many who have passed through poverty share the celebration, then pass along the caution. Recoveries take a long time. Celebrate? Yes. But there’s a lot of work to do after the party.

One of the laments of any homeowner is the daily chore of maintaining the home, and keeping up with repairs. People who can’t pay their bills can’t pay for repairs. Years of deferred maintenance aren’t resolved with the first paycheck. Money alone does not solve all ills. Time must be spent re-arranging priorities, shuffling some of the larger items back to the top of the stack. Repairs take more time and money than maintenance, which means recoveries also cost more than just a few missed oil changes.

My good news is that next month I’ll be allowed to work more hours and receive more pay, which will arrive in the first few weeks of the following month. My meeting with the mortgage servicer is in four days, and may focus on my inability to meet the payment schedule that is due in two days (which also involves a letter apologizing for making an error in the payment estimate while not telling me what the new payment number is.) I may celebrate today, but the real improvements from this news are weeks away.

My recovery will take time. Storm cleanup will take time. (Ask anyone in Boulder.) The nation’s recovery will take time.

This blog is about life and money and personal finance, but rarely about equations and frugal lifestyle tips. At least for the last few years, this blog has been more about the emotional side of personal finance. We hear that finance is to be handled without emotion. I believe that should be true for professional money managers so we can better assess their skills, strategies, and tactics. But the personal part of personal finance must involve emotion. Compassion during the tough times. Celebrations when there’s good news. Coping during any time of stress; and stress exists whenever there is change whether for bad or good.

I sit here in my home this wet morning, practicing yet another change. This is the first day in months when I feel secure enough in my house that I don’t feel the need to retreat to a workspace ten miles away. I am back in my home and am beginning a recovery.

So, why is my house still for sale? Ah, that's another post.

So, why is my house still for sale?
Ah, that’s another post.

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A Possible Prelude Of Optimism

Posted on September 25, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

I have a litany of optimism. Regular readers have read it before: stocks, consulting, books, photos, house sale, windfalls. I’ve spent the last three years recovering from stagnant finances that then imploded. My litany of optimism has been a daily mantra that got me out of bed, was repeated as I looked at emails, repeated in the shower, repeated during my commute, repeated after every opportunity for improvement proved itself to be yet another normal moment in an unusual episode of my life. Imagine if you will, the possibility that optimism arrives in plural form. The litany becomes such a chorus that I can’t sing it all at once, or include it in one post. This post isn’t that post. This post is the possible prelude.

Preludes, (not the Honda variety), set the tone without revealing the depth or detail of what follows. This prelude fits that description because it may seem more like a teaser or trailer, than a main event. For those that have read so many of my dour posts, here’s a post that hopefully marks a transition to more pleasant news.

In no particular order other than I chose it for the opening line:

  • Stocks: My portfolio recovery hasn’t happened in any great fashion, but GERN has more than doubled in the last few weeks; good things are being written about RSOL; and MVIS continues to tantalize with potential that could be announced any day, maybe by April, or unexpectedly delayed, or probably a mix we can’t predict because that’s the way the world works. The irony is that I sold half of my GERN to cover some bills and guessed that MVIS would move soon enough to buy those share back. Well, yes, that is possible; but, it will cost more than before. But hey, my portfolio inches upwards.
  • Consulting: Business has never been better, or more fun. September was a continuous sweep of clients, several of whom expect to return, a few who’ve decided to start in October. Peter Jungman and I have identified a joint consulting business opportunity – with details to follow. (Though I do like the idea of providing monthly checkups to small businesses on a subscription basis.) There’s even very good reasons to believe that there may be a dramatic increase in billable hours.
  • Books: Walking Thinking Drinking Across Scotland Book sales rise and fall, and it is encouraging to see my most recent book, Walking Thinking Drinking Across Scotland, is usually number in search rank for “Walking Scotland”. It is a trip, pardon the pun, to get a higher search and sometimes sales rank than Lonely Planet. As it sell, others sell. Passive income is a good thing.
  • Photos: The holiday season approaches and by request I established an online gallery for cards. Winter Resilience - from Twelve Months at Lake Valhalla Optimism. I even celebrated the passage of an era. The last of the satins from Fringe was sold to a couple from Vancouver, B. C. Artists know the feeling; sad and glad to see it go.
  • House sale: My house is for sale! Okay, most of you already know that. Picking the price is the hard part. Having it confirmed by a neighbor putting their house up for sale was a relief. The house across the street went up for sale at just below my price. Anyone want his and hers vacation cottages with a marina in the neighborhood and views of the Olympics?
  • Windfalls: I leave that door open, by at least buying lottery tickets. The world delivers surprises. Some can be very nice.
  • Unexpected Goodies: Maybe these are windfalls, maybe these are the consequence of years of steady effort, but I’ve been asked to teach a class in Abstract Photography, iPhone Photography, and to reprise my Social Media class. Each inspiration came from a different source. All were unsolicited. All are welcome. Now I just have to figure out the details: schedule, pricing, content, where to find time to breath, etc.
  • Others: Undoubtedly, but you’ve heard enough. But I will say that I welcome autumn and the chance to dance. The lawn and garden can wait a few more weeks. Right?

My litany isn’t as important as the existence of a litany. My successes aren’t as important as the fact that something is happening, or maybe about to happen. It is possible that my first book continues to sell because its title suggests perseverance and persistence, “Just Keep Pedaling“. I suspect more people are away of Winston Churchill’s quote, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Whatever personal battle you’re going through, the simplest response is to just keep going. (Note: If you’re in a hole, quit digging unless you can dig through a planet. If you’re in a rut, quit rutting? Nah, that’s the wrong word. If you’re in a rut, take a look around for a path with a bit more freedom.)

Sudden losses happen more frequently than sudden recoveries. Disasters happen more frequently than lotteries are won. There is time to dwell and doubt during a recovery. Numerous times within the last few years I was convinced, or at least eagerly anticipating, good news. The sudden recovery hadn’t happened. It may yet. The good news I’m seeing hints of may prove to be yet another Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown moment. But walk far enough and mirages actually turn into oases. The trick is finding the strength and will to keep walking.

The prelude is welcome, but there’s an urgency to the beat. Next week’s Wednesday blog post may be postponed because that’s the day when I meeting with the mediator, the mortgage servicer, and the mortgage counselor to talk about whether I can keep my house or if they have to foreclose. At best, as I walk into that meeting I may not have the money in my account (unless one of those windfalls happen), but I may have letters of intent. Maybe that will appease. Maybe not.

To my Facebook friends, I can’t add much more detail to my cryptic post.
“How to phrase and share possible good news that requires discretion and hope and includes significant uncertainty without raising expectations? At least I can pass along that I’ve heard the most significant financial encouragement in three months. A bit more good fortune and I might be able to get out of the threat of foreclosure – if the news is confirmed and in time. If I wasn’t at work I’d be having a drink. Guess I’ll have some tea and get back to work.“
I hope to fill in the details with good news in good time. And I hope that others finally get their good news as Erin Waterman has. Maybe Angela sells her tiny house. Allen’s Savvy Caddy wallet sales kick in. And more of us experience unexpected successes from casual acts like David Sharpe’s Going Viral.

Coupeville – David Sharpe

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A Scottish Anniversary 2013

Posted on September 21, 2013 by Tom Trimbath

Three years ago today I was on an airplane heading to Glasgow. I needed a vacation. Life wasn’t flowing the way I’d expected. Of course, the economic turmoil was hitting everyone. There were doubts about whether we’d make it through. My main stocks (AMSC, DNDN) were doing well, yet appeared to be stalled despite progress in the companies. I was frustrated from delaying dreams; yet I knew that just a little more and I could launch into some of my grander plans. Maybe it was best to step out of my routine, step aside for a while, let things improve, and then step back in. I decided to commemorate a success. Ten years earlier I bicycled across America. Just Keep Pedaling Something simpler and shorter and outside my normal routine would be to walk across a smaller country. I did. A vacation changed a life. A book was born. I remembered how to live and dream.

Originally, today’s post was going to be about upgrades and our emotional attachment to brands, things, and external ideals. Apple’s iOS7 continued my disillusionment with Apple. I continue to prefer their solutions to the Windows operating system, but to me it seems that as Apple has grown they’ve begun to acquire some of the less appealing traits of their competition. The two are growing into each other. I’m interested in investigating a third solution, at least for my business computer. I liken the selection to the political party choices. Both have defenders, but their arguments for choosing them are usually based on a contrast with the other, not an appeal to what I might find interesting or useful. The emotional responses and defenses of a brand were as vociferous as if I’d made a claim against liberal Democratic Buddhism or conservative Republican Christianity. I’m a customer of a company. I am dissatisfied with my service. That is not a fault or flaw of the customer, and is an opportunity for a company to offer an improvement. I am a citizen of a representative democracy, i.e. a republic. I am dissatisfied with what the parties offer. If they want to represent me, then it is their opportunity is to address my interests; not a cause for them to convince me that I am wrong.

I wrote Dream. Invest. Live. Dream. Invest. Live. because I see personal finance as personal. Standard formulas only apply to standardized people. People aren’t stereotypes. People aren’t identical copies with identical situations and identical luck. Life is primary. Living your own life is the only reason for being here. The reason you are here is to be you. No one else can do that. Our society tries to provide some capacity to allow for individual freedom, but it uses an abstraction called money as a way to manage our resources. To live your life, you have to pay your bills. Conventional wisdom focuses so much on money and bills that it only tangentially acknowledges the uniqueness of each person’s lifestyle. Dreams provide a goal. Those passions define a life. Investing is merely the step we’ve decided is necessary to manage everyone as they try to attain the life they prefer.

Walking across Scotland Walking Thinking Drinking Across Scotland became a three week meditation on what I wanted. Before I started I felt a great dissatisfaction despite living in reasonable comfort. I had enough for the bills, but not for the improvements. I was almost living my dream, but that lifestyle remained out of reach regardless of my efforts.

Within the world of investing, particularly investing in the speculative stocks I am drawn to, it is easy for a portfolio to swing through more than enough to pay for a trip to Scotland. The optimist in me hoped my portfolio would grow by more than the cost of the trip by the time I got back. That didn’t happen. The trip stayed on the credit card and my optimism had another three years appended to its patience.

Now, my net worth is one-twentieth of what it was. More than two years of searching for jobs have been unsuccessful. Home For Sale Over a year of trying to sell my house has been unsuccessful. Finding a way to appease my mortgage company has been unsuccessful. Yet I am optimistic. I frequently write about my sources of optimism as portfolio, job prospects, business prospects (some of which are akin to jobs as this point), housing prospects, and an open door for windfalls and serendipity. Yet, my greatest source of optimism is the firmest foundation I can imagine. I know what I want to do with my life. I know how I want to live it. I know how little that takes. That lifestyle is so basic, simple, powerful, and wonderful that advertisements look embarrassingly silly. Do they really think I’m going to get that excited about mouthwash? Or feel shame that I am not using a manly skin cream? What is a manly skin cream? I don’t even use shaving cream. Haven’t people heard of soap and water?

It is a gross understatement to say that my money is tight. I agree with friends when they celebrate the fact that I can pay all of my bills except the mortgage, but the opposite perspective on that is the need to double my income. Every day I am more in debt by about as much as I earn, and if I don’t make that much money soon I’ll lose my house. The responsible part of me cringes every time I realize that and I realize that several times a day. I realize that every time I check my email for good news, or refresh my portfolio screen for good news, or guardedly answer the phone or open the mail box not knowing if it will be good news or bad. And I am amazed at the quiet crowds of people in far worse conditions. (One in seven Americans are living in poverty. Will we finally do something when it becomes two in seven? How about three in seven?)

The Scots are stereotypically tight with money. I said above that individuals aren’t stereotypes. But with that imagery in mind it was easier for me to yet again consider frugality and simplicity while I walked. There was a moment the morning I walked away from Fenwick

Along this path I found joy - because it is everywhere. Surprised me.

Along this path I found joy – because it is everywhere. Surprised me.

when I tired of the complaining and arguing and railing against the misfortunes and injustices of the world and just for that moment felt joy. It hit me pure and without embellishment. Joy was there – always. Better shoes, a better jacket, a better smartphone, a lack of worry about how I was going to pay for the trip and if I was ever going to get ahead were all betterments that I wanted as if I would find joy at the other end of them. But joy was there regardless of stuff or our abstraction of money. The gap between dreaming and living doesn’t have to be a great chasm of investing and working and worrying. The chasm can shrink to a blink if the essence of the dream is part of the essence of every day life.

That last bit of philosophy resides within me now. Daily it patiently watches the battles that separate me from it. While I know joy is simply being pleased with the present, it is hard to remember while responsibly reviewing my failed obligations whether they are mortgage payments, house repairs, or assurances to find time with friends.

Yes, this blog is about personal finance. Yes the book is called Dream. Invest. Live. The least significant words are Finance and Invest. The most important are Personal, Dream., Live. Thank you, Scotland, for reminding me how to personally live my dream.

Oh yeah, and getting emotional about a brand – well, at least for some folks, that’s life.

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