“That’s excellent news! High five!”, a neighboring friend and worker in a co-working space. Me, “Oh yeah. High five.” He used exclamation points. I used periods. He’d just overheard the second of two positive calls, both of which were worth celebrating, neither of which was confirmed or committed. He saw the possibility as a certainty. I watched myself cautiously consider the positive probabilities. After too many months of delayed gratification, I might finally have news to share, but not yet. But there is a potential for a very nice party, or two, or three.

Suspense? Yes. I’ll leave you in suspense. It is too embarrassing to raise the flag only to have to take it back down again. But blog about it I must. Part of the process of recovery is financial. Part of the process of recovery is emotional. The financial part will resolve itself via bank statements. The emotional part doesn’t wait that long. I’m chronicling both parts of the process.

Pardon the ambiguity, but that’s been a powerful characteristic of my financial journey. Lots of great possibilities, but for a long time there has been very little actualities. Except for lottery winners, the return to the positive takes time and involves too many unknowns.

I dearly want to tell you, and yet I won’t – yet.

What I will tell you is what happened. My view of the world changed. All of the worries and possible calamities remain, but I found myself diving into myself. I became a bit more self-centered and also began considering how I will reach out.

The self-centered part
I’m frugal. Yes, I had some cheap champagne. And the next day I took advantage of sunshine to wash the windows, mop the floor, and dust the bookshelves. I went shopping. And I bought food I haven’t bought in a while: parmesan, garlic, wine, and some pantry stockers like tomato sauce. I might even get around to ordering up some replacement parts for the truck, and taking it in for its oil change a bit earlier than usual.

The reaching out part
The home phone rang. I rarely pick it up because the mortgage servicer’s phone calls can upset me for hours or days. One “caller unknown” call had already gone by, so hours later I picked up the next. It wasn’t the mortgage company. It was a call center calling for donations for people having trouble with their heating bills. In the time it took for me to listen and say no, I already began reviewing how many charities I’d necessarily neglected for the last few years. As the money returns, it will be nice to help out yet again. (And I already know where and how the money will be disbursed. No reason to call.)

Both the pieces of potential good news could be delivered at any time, though business hours are most likely. But I am eager enough that I’ve been working from home, watching for the FedEx and US mail trucks because the one bit of news should be delivered on paper. (And my thanks to the responsive FedEx folks on twitter and to my local mail carrier for fielding my queries.) The other bit of good news should be in my portfolio; so, of course I am checking for press releases on a regular basis. Private emails have suggested great news, but it won’t matter until the rest of the world, or at least the investment community, knows.

In addition to the emails, every one of my stocks has been profiled in the financial news within the last two weeks. This hasn’t happened in years. Maybe the big money is finally steering away from the mega-corps and is looking for the next big things. Maybe I’ll have more than two bits of good news to celebrate.

I also hear that I am on the short list for jobs that I haven’t even applied for. Thank you. Let’s talk.

But for now, my story is pronouns and allusions. I can dream and plan, but I also have to persevere and persist. Keep working the way I’ve been working. Continue to live the new embodiment of my frugal life. But find those emotions, those exclamation points, that I’ve become so unfamiliar with. Reintroduce myself to that part of myself. And cautiously, get ready for a party.

Remnants of a previous party. Maybe I’ll eventually get a dishwasher.